Once in a while an old symptom will show it’s ugly head. Some days I’ll feel fine and everything seems hopeful or at least I feel I’ve come to a place of submission and acceptance and have learned some spiritual lessons along the way. Then it shows itself, uninvited, and I know the civil war is not over.

The ache still feels as raw as when it first appeared and I am beginnig to doubt if time can really resolve everything. I know every struggle is an opportunity to grow. I hate to say this but knowing it doesn’t make it any easier to bear. Sometimes I despair of not getting anywhere – in terms of growing.

Symptoms are pointers to something deeper. They are our body’s language of telling us that we are off balance internally. We can suppress the symptoms or mask them and appear healed for a while. But that would be detrimental to our well-being in the long run. Given the right circumstances, the symptoms will return – nastier than before. Sometimes we can be too sick to develop any symptoms at all, so that by the time the disease reaches it’s peak, we would be dealing with a crisis.

When God is in our life (this might not be good news to some), we must be prepared to face some old demons lurking in some long forgotten places. That’s not a comforting thought. Nobody hopes to discover one day that they have some malignant disease waiting to bear fruit. God is not interested in playing cover-up. This is a God who is willing to do the dirty job of clearing up the tangled mess within. By this, I do not mean our sins. I mean wounds that needed healing. Like Aslan in Narnia, this God is not safe…….but He is good.

I do not know if this symptom is a result of an on-going cleaning job or something else. Whatever it is, it feels awful. That’s about all I can say for now. I don’t even want to think about how God is using this to achieve some higher purpose. I am going to put theology aside and just be still for a while.