In my last entry, I shared about how a movie motivated me to take a more active role in a situation as old as my daughter. A few things unfolded along the way during that period, including my husband’s debt coming to light and the possibility of giving up our current home in order to service his debts and cut expenses. Around the same time, I was trying to get my finances in order which included reviewing all our existing policies with insurance companies. I have to start planning like a single parent. Then came the devastating news of the financial meltdown in the US. The majority of our policies are with a subsidiary of insurance giant, AIG. I have some investments which, though were not directly affected but Lehman’s fall, they were nevertheless bleeding due the global economic downturn. Surely all these couldn’t come at a better time, no?

As if that wasn’t enough, my own brother’s marriage was on the verge of a collapse and they had sought my help to mediate things, not knowing of the uncertainty lurking in my own backyard. Is it by chance that family and friends came to share their relationship woes at a time when my own was down in the dumpster? How ironic is that. Try as I may, I just did not feel qualified to say anything let alone dish out advise on relationship issues. But I was able to empathize with them and maybe that was what they needed at that time.

Although I do feel let down sometimes, especially when people around me are living prosperous, victorious life while I seem to be stuck with the same issues after all these years, I do not despise the refining fire of God. I know there is value in it and I have seen what it can do. It can humble us and help put things in the right perspective. Regardless of the reasons why I am where I am and however it may end, I hope I will bring honor and glory to God in the midst of it.

Many people will not agree with the decision I have made. I do not know for sure myself if it is God’s will but I figure any decision is better than no decision. As I go about it, I will trust God to lead the way, to open doors and to close doors. I hope the path ahead will become clearer with each step. Whether He should lead me to a U-turn or an expressway, I pray I will have the courage to follow.

So what exactly have I decided? I will leave that for the next entry.