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(This is part of my ongoing exercise on listening prayer. At the end of Day 4, we write a love letter to God expressing our heart. This is mine.)

 

Jesus
You are the reason
hope is alive in my bleakest hour.
You are the inner buoyancy
that sustains my soul
when my circumstances are an utter shipwreck.
You are the motivation
to pick myself up and start again
when I fail to live up to the Christian ideal.
When I thought I have lost my innocence
when I lost faith in humanity,
when there is no one I can trust,
You are the one who help me
seek beauty among ashes.
Because of You
I have a reason for hope
and an excuse for celebration.
Form everlasting to everlasting,
You are my spring of living water.
In you I find my rest.
My good shepherd,
my faithful friend,
my perfect redeemer,
my wise Lord,
my constant comfort,
my fullnes of joy,
my hope everlasting,
my GOD.
I love you.

 

rk

I had a refreshing time at the RBC Bible Conference last night. It was also a time of conviction for me. A couple of things were put back in it’s rightful place. I will share more about the conference in my next post as there is still one more night to go. Meanwhile I will leave you with a song that has been playing in my head this past two days.

Much Of You by Steven Curtis Chapman

How could I stand here
And watch the sun rise
Follow the mountains
Where they touch the sky
Ponder the vastness
And the depths of the sea
And think for a moment
The point of it all was to make much of me
Cause I’m just a whisper
And You are the thunder and

I want to make much of You, Jesus
I want to make much of Your love
I want to live today to give You the praise
That You alone are so worthy of
I want to make much of Your mercy
I want to make much of Your cross
I give You my life
Take it and let it be used
To make much of You

And how can I kneel here
And think of the cross
The thorns and the whip and the nails and the spear
The infinite cost
To purchase my pardon
And bear all my shame
To think I have anything worth boasting in except for Your name
Cause I am a sinner
And You are the Savior

I want to make much of You, Jesus
I want to make much of Your love
I want to live today to give You the praise
That You alone are so worthy of
I want to make much of Your mercy
I want to make much of Your cross
I give You my life
Take it and let it be used

To make much of You

This is Your love, oh God
Not to make much of me
But to send Your own son
So that we could make much of You

For all eternity

I want to make much of You Jesus
I want to make much of Your love
I want to live today to give You the praise
That You alone are so worthy of
I want to make much of Your mercy
I want to make much of Your cross
I give You my life
Take it and let it be used
To make much of You

I want to make much of You
Much of You Jesus

rk

I’ve attempted to read the work of Thomas Kempis’ Imitation Of Christ twice but could barely move beyond a few chapters each time. This is supposed to be a well loved classic Christian literature by a medieval monk. The modern translation is easy to read and understand. I have no problem with that. My problem is the relational part. I can’t seem to be able to relate to it somehow. Maybe because it was written primarily for monks living in monasteries. Maybe some of it’s magic was lost in translation. Maybe because of the way it was written. Maybe because it was written my a mystic. Maybe because it’s too philosophical. Maybe because I tried to read it like any other book when it was meant to be read as a daily devotional. Maybe because I am expecting too much.

So I’m putting it back in the shelf for now. I know I’ll dip into it again from time to time. The volume of excellent reviews can’t be ignored. I know there is something I’m missing. But next time I’ll read it like I would Oswald Chamber’s My Utmost For His Highest – one numbered passage at a time.

For now, I think I’ll go pick up Philip Yancey’s The Jesus I Never Knew. It left a deep impression on me when I first read it as a young Believer. I wonder what will I take away this time.

rk

I feel every fiber of my being tested to the max – physically, that is. My weary but restless body is crying out for some relief. I tried moving my limbs and stretching a little – still no relief. I could well have unconsciously let out a moan sometime in between. Is it a sign or ageing? I don’t remember my body feeling as tired as I am today. I glanced at my watch. 4:30pm and the pervious service in still not over. Pastor is 15mins overshot and I’ve been standing on the same spot for almost an hour. If it’s not gonna move soon, it would have claimed its first victim. I can imagine the headlines tomorrow – Girl Collapse While Queuing For Church Service. I tried to suppress a giggle. Who has ever heard of queues at church? Churches are half filled most of the time, people think. Yeah….but New Creation at Suntec City is different. We issue seat tickets one service in advance for early birds while the rest of us start forming a queue as early as 1.5 hours before service starts. In the old days, without the ticket system, I heard rumors of a handful of us who would start the queue as early as 3-4 hours in advance! Then there are those who brought their own foldable chair to wait it out. One might think they might as well camp there. Every Sunday the queue draws curious stares from shoppers around the vacinity. They are even more bewildered when they found out what we were queuing for. They probably think we’re a bunch of fanatics.

Missing church for whatever reasons other than those not within my control is not an option for me. I can work my other activities around church but never the other way round. I suspect some of my friends think I’m too rigid, not being able to sacrifice church once in a while – though they kept it to themselves. While some others probably think all the singing and listening to the preaching of ancient text is a complete waste of time. What they do not know however is that my church is my lifeline. I don’t know if every Christian feels the same but it is so to me. I need it to make it through each week. To ask me to skip church is the equivalent of sending me on a marathon without food or water, or running my car on an empty tank. Corporate worship is to me what God’s manna was to the Israelites. It is God’s provision for my sustenance. In some miraculous ways, the shackles of burden break and drop to the ground each time we come together in worship and hearing of the Word. I can count with one hand, the number of times I did not emerge out of a service lighter and livelier. I suspect the very act of focusing our heart and mind on God instead of ourselves is already a sort of cleansing in itself. What more with the feeding of God’s love and wisdom. How much you feed on every Sunday will determine how far you can last through the week. But no matter how filled you are, you’ll never get pass the 6 day mark, which is why I think God ordained the sabbath rest for us once a week.

So there you have it. It is not because I am super spiritual that I must go to church every Sunday. It is simply for the selfish reason that I NEED TO BE FED.

4:45pm. We are finally moving! Pastor dear, you’re half an hour late.

rk


I’ve been following Drifter’s Blog for a while but lately his blog has gone missing. I’m more than a little concerned. You’ll know why if you know what he has been going through in his life. So I decided to drop him an email the week before to check if he’s alright. You see, I don’t know why I do such things. I mean, I don’t even know this guy. He is just someone whose blog I’ve been following for a couple of months. I did feel very silly sending that email out. But now I am glad I did. I wasn’t really expecting him to reply so when he finally did last night, I was quite relieved. He is alright and starting his life anew with a new blog. I shall not go into details because that is not the main point of this post.

The main point is that God had used the opportunity that a couple of gliches brought, to bring me into a time of worship. I couldn’t sleep last night. There were many things on my mind. I needed to send Steven a reply immediately. And I’ve been burdened with a couple of issues of late which I wanna explore and write about in my blog. But my cranky system kept hanging and I finally had to pull the plug. Arghh….. talk about bad timing! So with my system gone, I decided to message a friend on my mobile. But discovered to my frustration that the battery was not gonna hold for long. This is a really “suay” (bad) night for me. I can’t sleep and everything is not working. Even my iPod’s battery is running out. Looks like I’m stuck with an burdened heart and no avenue to channel it out to. I decided finally to grab a glass of red and do myself a favor. It’ll help me sleep easier, I figure. So there I was, sipping that berry flavored, mind relaxing drink as I used up the last bit of battery life in my iPod. That’s the best I could think of. For some reason, the battery lasted longer than I expected cos I remembered playing and replaying Matt Redman’s Once Again, over and over again.

There I sat on my futon with my legs stretched out and crossed, my glass glistening under the soft glow of the lamp above me. My mind swirling around those words as vignettes of recent weeks flashed before me.

Jesus Christ… I think upon your sacrifice
You became nothing… poured out to death
The night wasn’t that bad after all

Many times… I’ve wondered at Your gift of life
And I’m in that place once again
I’m in that place once again

Yes Lord, come…..

Jesus Christ… I think upon your sacrifice
You became nothing… poured out to death
Many times… I’ve wondered at Your gift of life
And I’m in that place once again
I’m in that place once again

I lay all my cares before you
And just gaze upon your face

And once again I look upon the cross where you died
I’m humbled by your mercy and I’m broken inside

You know our brokeness, our pain, our loneliness
I know you cry with us

Once again I thank you
Once again I pour out my life

Lord I bring Chii, DC and Steven to you tonight, even myself
Let your healing love flood our heart Lord

Now You are… exalted to the highest place
King of the heavens… where one day I’ll bow

Draw us to your bosom and let all else fade away
We come to you just as we are

But for now… I marvel at Your saving grace
and I’m full of praise once again

We have nothing to offer
But to draw upon your grace

I’m full of praise once again

We are not worthy…..yet you’ve received us
Your grace… your mercy……we are grateful for

Thank you for the cross
Thank you for the cross

Yes Lord….thank you

Thank you for the cross my friend

Thank you for the cross
(I’m humbled by the cross)
Thank you for the cross
(for I find so much mercy…so much grace)
Thank you for the cross my friend
(how can i…how can I …how can I thank you….)

Thank you for the cross
Thank you for the cross
Thank you for the cross my friend

Who else would love us like you do

Thank you for the cross
Thank you for the cross
Thank you for the cross my friend

Thank you

By the time the battery ran out, I found myself on my knees, tears streaming down my face. Humbled. Thankful. Restored. Renewed. At rest. At peace. Silent, save for sobs of gratitude.rk

When I See You Smile (revised version)

Sometimes I wonder

How I’d ever make it through,

Through this world without having you

I just wouldn’t have a clue

‘Cause sometimes it seems

Like this world’s closing in on me,

And there’s no way of breaking free

And then I see you reach for me

Sometimes I wanna give up

I wanna give in,

I wanna quit the fight

And then I see you Jesus,

And everything’s alright,

everything’s alrightWhen I see you smile

I can face the world,

oh oh,

you know I can do anything through you

When I see you smile

I see a ray of light,

oh oh,

I see it shining right through the rain

When I see you smile

Jesus when I see you smile at me

Jesus there’s nothing

in this world that could ever do

What a touch of your grace can do

It’s like nothing that I ever knew

And when the rain is falling

I don’t feel it,

’cause you’re here with me now

And one look at you Jesus

Is all I’ll ever need,

you’re all I’ll ever need

When I see you smile

I can face the world,

oh oh,

you know I can do anything through you

When I see you smile

I see a ray of light,

oh oh,

I see it shining right through the rain

When I see you smile

Jesus when I see you smile at me

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